Confessions

         They say confession is good for the soul. So why is it such a struggle to make confessions? Why is it so hard to just be honest and admit that we are all broken, sinful, totally messed-up human beings in such desperate need of The Savior? Why must we continue to try to pretend that we are better than anyone else? Why can't we just let our guard and pride down, along with all pretenses of being good?
          The fact of the matter is that no one is good- no, not one. All have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. All we like sheep have turned astray, each of us has turned to his own way- and The Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. (Psalms 14:3, Romans 3:23, Isaiah 53:6) And we all equally deserve the punishment of the eternal fires of Hell because of our constant rebellion against God and His standard.  We're all on equal footing since we've all equally stumbled and fallen so short of God's standard. And God's standard is absolute perfection. "Be holy as I am holy." (Leviticus 11:45) Or, as other translations of The Holy Scriptures put it, "Be perfect as I am perfect." (See also Matthew 5:48).
          But if this is the standard for entrance into Heaven, then like the disciples asked Jesus, "Who then can be saved?" (See Matthew 19:25-26.) As Jesus answered them, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Amen! Praise God! He has made the impossible possible because as the Only One capable of completing this impossible mission, He has intervened on our behalf to accomplish this for us. We could never be good enough to save ourselves. In our haughtiness, we offer our proud list of righteous accomplishments and good deeds to Christ only to discover that they are nothing more than filthy rags. (Isaiah 64:6). We must repent of all our sins- and yes, even our supposed righteousness- for we have none. We are all morally and spiritually bankrupt. And knowing we could never repay a loan, the good King gave us the gift of eternal life through Jesus for free! (Romans 6:23) Jesus' death by crucifixion on the cross paid for all the wrongs ever committed in this world. And He rose again on the third day to prove He's God and so we know that we can rest assured that He will also resurrect those of us who have trusted in Him by faith through His grace. (Ephesians 2:8-9).
           The problem is that we all struggle with sin because we are born as sinners. We have been tainted by Adam and Eve's sin and we inherited the curse from them. This sin curse has infected the whole world and even from the first moment it happened (and before it even happened)- God had a plan in place and has been working out the details to redeem His creation. (see Genesis 3:15 and Revelation 13:8) And somehow, though we know deep down inside that we struggle and sin each day, we don't want to admit it to God or even ourselves at times- and much less, to others. Perhaps we might be foolish enough to think we can fool God- but be warned- God is not mocked. He knows what's up- He knows the thoughts and intentions of every person and judges the heart. (Galatians 6:7, Hebrews 4:12-13) We can sometimes even fool ourselves and maybe others, but never God. And maybe we might acknowledge that we can never fool God, but we still don't want to have to admit wrongdoings to others.  We want to somehow hold on to a veneer of false piety and so present ourselves in a better light than others. But whatever glimmer of light we may look to leaves us no better as long as we continue to stumble in the dark with everyone else. It's only when we step into the light that we can see clearly and we can walk right. And of course, this is just what Jesus tells us in John 3:16-21. The light exposes us for who we really are- and so we choose to hide in the darkness instead. But when we can come to that point of fully exposing ourselves in the light, that's when God can take our broken spirit and contrite heart and work to bathe us in light so that we shine like Him.

"But as Dietrich Bonhoeffer noted: 'He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from their fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners.'
       At Sunday worship, as in every dimension of our existence, many of us pretend to believe we are sinners. Consequently, all we can do is pretend to believe we have been forgiven. As a result, our whole spiritual life is pseudo-repentance and pseudo-bliss." (Page 136, "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning)
            So what if we were just honest like Simon Peter, who was impressed by Jesus' mastery over the fish of the sea and recognized His Lordship- and his sinfulness? Falling at Jesus' feet, he cries, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord." (Luke 5:8) This of course, is just the point of confession that we must reach in order for Jesus to reach down and save us from the outset. As the Pharisees noted in Luke 15:2, this Man receives sinners and eats with them. Yes, praise God- Christ receiveth sinful men! He invites us to join Him in His banquet- an all-expenses paid meal to be served in Heaven at the Lamb's marriage supper- which we shall enjoy throughout eternity with Him. We get our first taste through partaking in the Blessed Sacraments of the bread and wine, broken and spilled for us. Indeed, taste and see that The Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. (Psalms 34:8)
            What if we confessed our sins as freely on social media and with friends and family as we share so many other positive aspects of our lives? We are quick to share our preferences and complain of injustices and brag of our good accomplishments, but we are quite reluctant indeed to share of our fallings and failings. Yet James 5:16 commands us to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that we may be healed.  If we were to be honest- if I were to be honest and admit the ugliness of my own heart (Jeremiah 17:9), I would have to admit to the constant battle against pride and the desire to bask in my own accomplishments, selfishly and vainly claiming the gifts of God as my own talents. I would have to confess to being a liar, thief and murderer by my harsh words. I would have to admit to the foulest stream of sexual images parading through my mind, swaying me with the siren call of the harpies to indulge in the lust of sexual desire and fantasy. I would have to admit to being disobedient, to being lazy and gluttonous, to being a complaining arguer who is certainly not always putting others first. I would have to admit to being an idolatrous man who does not always love The Lord wholeheartedly as He calls for and does not love his neighbor nearly as much as I might like to think I do. I would have to admit to jealousy and unrighteous anger and not always treating others kindly as I would want to be treated. I would have to admit to struggles with fears, worries, anxieties, doubts- even so far as to doubt like Thomas, deny like Peter and betray like Judas.  In short, I would have to admit to being a horribly broken, sinful, mess of a man. And even after listing this hall of shame records, I shudder to think that I may not have even scratched the surface of just how deep the ugliness goes to and the layers of filth that are encased within.
            And though I often feel I have wrested the title of "chief of sinners" from Paul's grasp, I call to mind this one thing and so take hope. Though my sins are many, Christ's righteousness and grace is greater than all of them. As it has been said, I know this to be true- I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior. Jesus doesn't even need to be told what's in a man's heart- He's seen it all and knows it already. (John 2:25) And knowing all this, He still loves us all relentlessly with reckless abandon regardless. For some mystifying reason, though He abhors sinfulness and cannot have it in His holy presence, He still loves all humanity with an eternal love that went through a terribly high price to save us all. (Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 53).
            
      "The spiritual future of ragamuffins consists not in disavowing that we are sinners but in accepting that truth with growing clarity, rejoicing in God's incredible longing to rescue us in spite of everything. C.S. Lewis wrote:
'It may be that salvation consists not in the canceling of these eternal moments but in the perfected humility that bears the shame forever, rejoicing in the occasion which is furnished to God's compassion and glad that it should be common knowledge to the universe. Perhaps in that eternal moment St. Peter- he will forgive me if I am wrong- forever denies his Master. If so, it would indeed be true that the joys of Heaven are for most of us, in our present condition, an acquired taste- and certain ways of life may render the taste impossible of acquisition. Perhaps the lost are those who dare not go to such a public place.' " (Page 137, "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning)

       Repentance only comes when we are willing to agree with God that we are sinners and have sinned against Him. When we are willing to confess this to Him and acknowledge that Jesus' death and Resurrection is the only payment sufficient for us, then we can accept His finished work for us and rest secured in the salvation He alone offers us. (Colossians 2:6-15) And we walk in faith with Him, doing the good works He purposed for us to do all along, in gratitude to Him. (Ephesians 2:8-10) And in turning over all of myself to Christ- all the filth and dung, He washed me clean and made me white as snow, according to His promise in Isaiah 1:18. I know what I've been and I know what I am- and I know what Christ has made me into instead and is making me to be- a new creation in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17) and a sanctified trophy of His grace that delivered me from the judgment I so richly deserved. I am nothing but a ragamuffin desperately clinging in faith to His grace and trusting in His love and His Word no matter what. And though I still struggle with all the things I don't want to do (as Paul laments in Romans 7), I also know that Jesus is still working and His work will be complete at last! (Philippians 1:6, Jude 1:24-25). The One who promises is faithful and He will do this. He will carry me through my struggles and will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5) and He will get me safely Home. (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24) Hallelujah! Praise The Lord- Jesus saves!
       
    This much I know to be true- there's no other place to go than Christ- He has the words of eternal life. (John 6:68, Acts 4:12, John 14:6).
Christ loves (Romans 5:8), Christ judges (Hebrews 9:27-28), Christ forgives (1 Corinthians 6:9-11), Christ changes (2 Corinthians 5:17), Christ keeps (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24) and Christ finishes. (Philippians 1:6, Jude 1:24-25).
      
         As I admitted earlier and I have said a number of times before, I struggle at times with knowing whether I've truly heard from God or not. I do believe The Holy Spirit impresses in me the Truth He wants me to know from His Word, as He guides me into all Truth. I do believe He reveals Himself and His will in that manner. And He can use anything He wishes to work in other ways if He so chooses. I don't know for sure if I've ever physically heard God's voice or that I ever will (at least in this life), but sometimes in meditating on Scriptures and God's truth, I'll imagine that I have heard a truth from God- though I'm never totally sure if it's just voices from my own head or elsewhere. And so I'm not one to hold up such experiences and highlight them as the litmus test for true faith- but I thought I might share this recent incident in closing. I had some great times of prayer and communion with God recently in my spiritual life, where I really felt I had grown closer to The Lord and come clean before Him once more so that He could again make me clean. And in confessing to Him and seeking to follow Him again as I did before yet another failure, I had this phrase come to mind that was encouraging to me- "I know the man you can be and that's who I'm making you to be."
        I don't know if I can say this was The Lord's voice or my imagining of what He might say to me and so I won't claim any supernatural experience in that sense- but I do think it's Biblical and it is exactly the point of all this process of life change that Jesus takes us through. He knows exactly who we are and He knows who we can be- who He wants us to be- and He's making us to be that person in His time. It's a process that takes a lifetime and we must continue to trust and endure and seek after Him all the more as He continues to shape us. Keep running the race of faith and keep your eyes fixed on the prize- Jesus Christ Himself. (Hebrews 12:1-5). And keep trusting and obeying.

     "Lord Jesus, we are silly sheep who have dared to stand before You and try to bribe You with our preposterous portfolios. Suddenly we have come to our senses. We are sorry and ask You to forgive us. Give us the grace to admit we are ragamuffins, to embrace our brokenness, to celebrate Your mercy when we are at our weakest, to rely on Your mercy no matter what we may do.
          Dear Jesus, gift us to stop grandstanding and trying to get attention, to do the truth quietly without display, to let the dishonesties in our lives fade away, to accept our limitations, to cling to the Gospel of Grace, and to delight in Your Love. Amen."

(Page 144, "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning)