It's been said a couple of different ways. Preacher Roe said, "Some days you eat the bear; some days the bear eats you." John Denver had a beautiful song that said, "Some days are diamond- some days are stone." Some days I want to cry out with the Psalmist- "O Lord, God of my salvation; I cry out day and night before You. Let my prayer come before You; incline Your ear to my cry! For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to Sheol. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am a man who has no strength, like one set loose among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, like those whom You remember no more, for they are cut off from Your hand." (Psalms 88:1-5) "The darkness is my only friend." (Psalms 88:18) - Hello, darkness- my old friend- I've come to talk with you again......
But like Paul and Simon said by the Holy Spirit- "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. .....My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account." "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith- that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." (Philippians 1:21 and 23-24 and 3:7-10) "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:6-9)
Sometimes I just want to tell all the cares of my personal life- all the demands clawing from all sides- all the chaos and craziness of life- whether it's on a personal and family level or for friends- or stretching nationally and worldwide....Sometimes I just want to tell it all to shut up for a while! Sometimes I just want to block out all the noise and just be still and know that The Lord is God. (Psalms 46:10)
I just need to hear You, Jesus, tell the winds and waves, "Peace! Be still!" And whether He tells the storm to calm down or He tells me, His child, to calm down- either way, I know He's with me and I ride uncomfortable but safe in His hands. (John 10:29)
And at those times- and all times- and the times I am not I want to be doing it more- I just want to say again with the Psalmist- "I love The Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because He inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call on Him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the Name of The Lord; 'O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!' Gracious is The Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, He saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for The Lord has dealt bountifully with you." (Psalms 116:1-7)
Yes, soul- return to your rest in the tender arms of Jesus, who promises rest for the weary soul. (Matthew 11:28-30) I love how the rest of Psalms 116 goes on to say that God has delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from stumbling. I'm gonna walk with The Lord in the land of the living. Yep- all men are liars, but God is true always. His steadfast love endures forever! And He loves me like crazy and with an eternal love! :-) (Jeremiah 31:3) Even though I don't know why He does- I know He does and I know He's always true. And I thank Him for it! I love you too, Lord- help me to love You more! And for the times I can't face this world any more, grant me Your peace that passes all understanding. May I always know Your peace upon me- that You alone give; not as the world gives- Your peace that no one can take away! Keep my mind stayed upon You, Jehovah- and keep me in Your perfect peace. (Isaiah 26:3 and John 14.....)
Lord, I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not Your commandments from me! My soul is consumed with longing for Your rules at all times. My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to Your word! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in Your ways. My soul longs for Your salvation; I hope in Your word. My eyes long for Your promise; I ask, 'When will You comfort me?' I remember Your Name in the night, O Lord, and keep Your law. This blessing has fallen to me, that I have kept Your precepts. The Lord is my portion; I promise to keep Your words. I entreat Your favor with all my heart; be gracious to me according to Your promise. When I think on my ways, I turn my feet to Your testimonies; I hasten and do not delay to keep Your commandments.Your testimonies are my heritage forever, for they are the joy of my heart. My flesh trembles for fear of You, and I am afraid of Your judgments. My eyes long for Your salvation and for the fulfillment of Your righteous promise. I long for Your salvation, O Lord, and Your law is my delight. Let my soul live and praise You, and let Your rules help me. I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek Your servant, for I do not forget Your commandments.
(all taken from Psalms 119)
I don't particularly want to die any time soon, and there are a lot of things I'd still like to do in life before that day- or before the day when Christ comes again.....but even though I still have trepidation at times about both those times with the fear of the unknown and all those old fears about salvation and how God can love and even save a messed-up individual like me- I still have faith that calms all my fears and says that I am His and He is mine and I just trust that Jesus will do what He said He will do. And there are some days that I am truly just so longing for my Home in Heaven. There are some days that I am just feeling SO done with life- (to clarify not in a suicidal way)- just in a way that feels like I am so weary of dealing with so many things on and on again and again- and sometimes I just want a change from it all and a release. Sometimes I feel like chilling with Asaph and Habakkuk and Job, crying out- What's the deal, God? How come the wicked get to prosper, but I feel like I try to live for You and get the shaft instead? But One greater than Shaft is here and He binds up the brokenhearted. And He's suffered more than words can say and knows all about pain, betrayal and heartache. And thus, I trust again and leave things to Him. And some days I just long for His kingdom of light and love to come and redeem this old earth, while I wait up on the roof for Him. I know He will come soon in His time (whatever day that might be- and I don't know when it is- if in my lifetime or not)- but one day He will fulfill that promise. Even so, come Lord Jesus! And until that day or the day of my death- help me to be faithful every moment as You lead me on.
And I love how Psalms 116:7 says that The Lord has dealt bountifully with you, my soul. Or to put it another way- Thank The Lord because He's been doubly good to you. He's blessed me with physical life and spiritual life through faith in Jesus' death and Resurrection. I thank and praise Him for that. I thank and praise Him for all the many other blessings He's given me. And I thank Him for all the hard things He's let me go through that makes me cling all the harder to Him. For all the things that pain me and open my eyes and ears with His megaphone to a deaf world that tells me that He is the only sure thing to hold on to above all else. [Kinda like C.S. Lewis said. ;-)] Where can I go but to The Lord? (as a classic song says- not to mention John 6:68. Jesus alone has the words of eternal life!) God is my portion and the strength of my heart forever! (Psalms 73) Whom I have in Heaven but You, Jesus? And what better could I hope to find down here on Earth? I could search the most distant reaches of this world but I'd just be wasting my time- I'm certain already I'm sure I'd find You're my one thing! (And the pure in heart shall see God.) .....(both Psalms 73 and lyrics from Rich Mullins' "My One Thing" :-))
And here's another great Rich Mullins song- one that Amy Grant actually recorded and made famous, but one that he wrote. Here's a clip of him actually performing it himself.
Even when I'm not feeling the best about everything, no matter how my life is looking and no matter how bad things may be looking in the world, I just want to say to all the negative forces in the world- I'm going to praise The Lord anyway! Thank You, Lord Jesus! Let everything that hath breath praise The Lord! He is always doubly good to me.
:-)
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