Life Goals

(Note: With my birthday coming up in about three weeks, this seems fitting for my sometimes annual reflection.)


   One thing that I think is important spiritually is stopping everything once in a while and taking stock of life. The prudent gives thought to his steps. (See Proverbs 14:8 and 14:15) While running/walking this evening, the thought came to mind for me in thinking about the ongoing struggle with sin and striving to live for Christ, as well as making choices for life's trajectory that are pleasing to Him-
Is my life about me or is it about Jesus? That was a sobering thought to ponder. How many times do I ask that in making a decision? How many times do I center my life around making decisions to do things that bring me pleasure rather than seeking to bring God pleasure and glory?
   If I am crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20) and I have died and my life is now hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:1-4), and God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever and I desire nothing on earth besides Him (Psalms 73:25-26) and The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want (Psalms 23) and a day in His courts is better than thousands elsewhere (Psalms 84:10)- then why do I not always live like it?
    Far too often I identify with Ecclesiastes 2:11 "Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun." In the same book, it says in chapter 3 (verses 1-8) that there's a time and season for everything. The book concludes in 12:13-14 by saying that the whole duty of man is to fear God and keep His commandments. That's also the only place we really derive any meaning in life. As Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 says, apart from God, who can eat or have enjoyment?
    I have often found this with temporary goals on earth. There are things and pursuits that give me much pleasure and I enjoy them. There's nothing wrong with that, provided they are pleasing to The Lord. As Shakespeare said though, all good things must come to an end. I love reading and I can amuse myself with books, but eventually I finish a book series and that pleasure is gone. The same goes for watching every episode of a beloved television show or watching a favourite movie. The same goes for any life pursuit, whether it's marriage and raising children, career building, property acquisition or publishing of some sort. Even altruistic measures can fall into this pattern if the motivation is to make myself feel better and look good. What's the point of me saying something and bragging about something in the hopes that people will remember it and share it in the eulogy at my funeral? I won't even be there to enjoy that! (Which is all the more reason we should say all those nice things to people now rather than save them all up for the wake.)
    As one of my favourite poets, Robert Frost, has said, "Nothing gold can stay." I agree with him to a point. There is one gold thing that can and does stay- the streets of gold. Those are forever. And Heaven is where I want to always have my mindset. As C.S. Lewis has said, it is often those who thought the most of the next life that have done the greatest good in this life. Having a Heavenly mindset should cause me to do more good in this life for the sake of Jesus and others. That's where I find my joy- in The Lord and not in things. I can find fleeting happiness in some things but true joy only in The Lord. This is one reason I periodically do a purge of my belongings, as it helps remove idols from my life and makes sure I am focused on Jesus first.
    There's a certain panic and terror that comes at times when I have a quiet moment by myself to analyze my life. It especially weighs heavily as the clock keeps ticking onward and reminders of its passage come up, particularly birthdays. It feels more so that way to me as a single person. Perhaps this is due to having had an American ideal instilled through movies and TV shows of the American dream that everyone is supposed to have. After you get through school, you're supposed to go to college and get a degree and get a good job that pays a lot and get a house and get married and have children and eventually retire and enjoy your golden years together. I made it through school and got both a bachelor's and master's degree in college and I got a job I enjoy and I have a place of my own to live. But I am nearing the end of my 30s and I still have not gotten married and thus have not had any children.
     It feels bad to say but sometimes it is hard to be happy for the friends and family I have watched get married and have families of their own. I have gone to so many weddings and while I do celebrate with those who are rejoicing, there are twinges of jealousy and regret. I look back at times and think of opportunities for friendships that I pushed away at the time. I think of romantic possibilities not realized that I wish I had pursued more. I was never super interested in dating until my late '20s or so and I wonder if that wasn't partly because of subtle peer pressure when I saw what seemed like everyone around me getting married all of a sudden and it seemed like the thing to do. That's not to say I didn't have romantic thoughts about girls when I was younger and hitting puberty though. There have been a lot of women I have liked but few I have really dated and only one that I feel like I've truly fallen in love with though. And rejection can make you so introspective, desperately reliving every moment and analyzing them to see where a different choice could have been made so that things could have turned out differently and you could still be walking through the city hand in hand with her, feeling an excitement of euphoric exhilaration race through your body!
      Alas, when the relationship doesn't work out as you would like, it's hard to trust that God still has a good plan and knows best. It's hard to let go of that time when everything was right and you both felt like you and she loved each other more than anyone else on earth and that feeling of ecstasy felt so good.
There are moments in time I can flash back to and I just want to stay there for a while. But eventually I get awakened from my reverie by reality and I have to move on. And I wonder if I'll ever love another woman like that again and if I'll ever get married and have children. I do want to have all that for that experience and for the joy of loving someone like that and being loved by her like that and raising my own children. And to be really honest, I want to have sex and experience that beautiful union between husband and wife that is an intimate expression of their love for each other. I want to have that kind of intimacy that is honoured and guarded to the highest degree as my one and only who is my beloved and betrothed to me- and I am fully hers in body and mind and heart.
    It seems cruel at times in having those desires but not being at that place yet and knowing there is no morally correct way of having a release for that sex drive until that time of marriage comes. That's where temptation can hit so hard to give in to sexual fetishes and fantasies and enjoy the erotic pleasures of an erection, which themselves are also fleeting and short-lived, and lead to only shame and guilt afterwards. When I think of those I know who are Christ followers who struggle with homosexual tendencies, I can't imagine what an awful struggle that must be in that same scenario and knowing there is no release on this earth. And if I remain unmarried, then I am in the same place as them in that regard of dealing with the desires of a sex drive that can't be fulfilled. Passages like 1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 make this very clear.
    All of this gets back to my original point and question though. Is my life about me or is it about Jesus? If I am to follow Jesus as I say I want to do, then I must lose my life to find it. Jesus says I must take up my cross, deny myself daily and follow Him. (Luke 9:23) I must believe that His lovingkindness is better than life. I must store up my treasures in Heaven because Jesus is my real treasure. Even if I do get married and have children, my real joy can never be found in my wife or kids. Jesus is better than my potential wife and kids. Jesus is better than sex. Jesus is better than possessions. Jesus is better than sin. Jesus is better than anything this world affords today. Would I really rather have Jesus than anything my heart desires? Is Jesus really my number one passion and desire? Is He the ultimate lover of my soul Whom I am so in love with above all others?
I know don't desire God as much as I should but I want to desire Him more. I want to want Jesus and want nothing else. As Rich Mullins wrote, "The stuff of earth competes for the allegiance I owe only to the Giver of all good things." "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ...." (Philippians 3:7-8)
     Matthew 6:33 tells me to seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto me. What things? The things I need- not necessarily all the things I want. As I seek God more, I believe The Spirit will make the things of this earth to grow strangely dim (as the hymn "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" says) in the light of His glory and grace. Psalms 90:12 beseeches The Lord to teach us to number the days aright that we may gain a heart of wisdom. To be sure, this of course applies for every follower of Christ. Married couples have to decide how best their union can glorify The Lord. How do the husband and wife help each other grow closer to The Lord and be used more by Him for His glory? There are some advantages for the single person as there is no entanglement with trying to take care of a spouse and children. The time and energy that would be spent in that can be spent in other things. Am I using time just to indulge myself though or am I using it to serve God and others? (See 1 Corinthians 7 for a lot more on this.)
     Jesus gives us the ultimate example. Philippians 2 is such a beautiful picture of how He humbled Himself and put our needs before His own. He gave up His rights and didn't count equality with God something to be grasped but instead took the form of a bondservant in the likeness of men- and humbled Himself to the point of death on the cross! For this reason God raised Him up and gave Him the Name above every name, that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. We are commanded to have that same mindset. (1 Corinthians 2:16 indeed says that we have the mind of Christ.) We are to do nothing out of selfish ambition and conceit but in humility count others as better than ourselves! As Philippians 2:21 says, too many folks- and too many times we ourselves are in this number- seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. My interests are to be those of Jesus Christ. I am to look to others' interests before my own.
   Just as Jesus said in regards to the most important commandments, I am to love The Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love my neighbour as myself. (Matthew 22:34-40) I try to keep those two directives constantly in mind, along with Ephesians 4:15's admonition to be "speaking the Truth in Love." Part of loving God and my neighbour is sharing The Gospel with others as Jesus commanded in Matthew 28:18-20. I tell others about God's love that pays for all sins through our faith in Jesus' death and Resurrection and I show others God's love through helping with their physical needs as well. (James 2:15-17, 1 John 3:18)
    What can be said in conclusion then? How is my life demonstrating God's love and grace to others as well as warning about His judgement? How is my life pursuing and displaying the needs and desires of others and ultimately Jesus first? "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of The Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with The Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to The Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God The Father in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:15-21)
    I must give thanks to God in all things and for everything because it's all His blessings! He has me in exactly the time and place He wants me. (Acts 17:26) His plan for me will come through. (Psalms 138:8)
Thus, I must do all things without grumbling or disputing that I might be a blameless and innocent child of God without blemish, as Philippians 2:14-15 says. As it goes on to say, then I can be shining as a light in the world in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation. That is what I want my life to be doing and Jesus is who I want my life to be about always. I quote this next verse often as my writing goal but it's true of life in general: "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Psalms 19:14) Lord Jesus, may that always be true of me in all I say or do. May I always find my contentment in You because I know godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6)
"For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21)