Have you ever had that experience, usually at Christmas, where you get a present that you honestly don't want? And then the gift winds up being given to someone else who promptly gives it to someone else. (Stereotypically, this item tends to be a fruitcake. ;-) Humorously, this is also a common feeling for a lot of Christian singles regarding what 1 Corinthians 7 refers to as "the gift of singleness". In relation to an earlier post I put regarding the topic of singleness, I wanted to offer this follow-up piece that is a reaction to a discussion with fellow Christian friends and singles who differ on how we regard singleness.
To begin with, Genesis certainly teaches, through the example of God's own observation that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone (thus the creation of Eve), the general principle that humans are not meant to be alone. And marriage is one avenue for fulfilling that need- but it's not the only one and it shouldn't be the primary one. Ultimately, we should find completeness not in a spouse, but in Christ. That's our first and foremost relationship and that one informs and shapes all our other relationships. We also can find togetherness in community with the body of believers- our brothers and sisters in Christ in the church. And of course we also have our blood families as well and friends. The Eros (romantic) aspect of love is the one that we usually hear about and it generally overshadows the Philia (friendship) part of love. (Along with storge [familial] and agape [selfless; charity] For a good explanation of these ancient Greco-Christian terms, I highly recommend "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis. Of course, I also highly recommend everything else he wrote. :-))
"To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it". - Lewis in "The Four Loves"
There are two points others have raised about how to regard singleness that I would disagree with though, at least to some degree. While I can understand where some others are coming from who would argue this view, I'm not sure I would term "singleness" as a consequence of living in a fallen world. In a sense that could be true as the relationship we were meant to have with God is broken and we are cut off from that without the intervention of Jesus. Because of His death and Resurrection and our faith in Him, we can have a renewed relationship with God in the here and now and we will experience that fully as God originally intended at the Wedding Supper of The Lamb in Heaven, as described in Revelation 21-22. However, I would have to staunchly disagree with a notion that singleness is part of the curse of sin in the fall. I believe that would go against Christ's words in Matthew 19, where He says there are to whom being a eunuch is given and some make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. I can't see part of the curse of sin jibing with doing something for the kingdom of Heaven.
I know for singles we don't really like hearing the oft-repeated phrase that "singleness is a gift". I know it sure doesn't feel like one many times. (See this for proof. :-) http://babylonbee.com/news/local-woman-looking-return-gift-singleness/) To go back to my earlier analogy about Christmas gifts, sometimes it feels like that Christmas gift you've been waiting all year to get- and then in the midst of opening presents, you get that traditional gift of underwear. (At least as a kid, this was a tradition at my house. lol :-)) It's one of those things you never really appreciate much as a kid, but at least as you get older you can say, "Thank you" more and acknowledge that it is a necessary thing and it is still a gift, even if it's not really the fun gift you wanted. (When you get old enough to be on your own, you get really thankful for practical gifts like that because you find out how much stuff costs!)To begin with, Genesis certainly teaches, through the example of God's own observation that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone (thus the creation of Eve), the general principle that humans are not meant to be alone. And marriage is one avenue for fulfilling that need- but it's not the only one and it shouldn't be the primary one. Ultimately, we should find completeness not in a spouse, but in Christ. That's our first and foremost relationship and that one informs and shapes all our other relationships. We also can find togetherness in community with the body of believers- our brothers and sisters in Christ in the church. And of course we also have our blood families as well and friends. The Eros (romantic) aspect of love is the one that we usually hear about and it generally overshadows the Philia (friendship) part of love. (Along with storge [familial] and agape [selfless; charity] For a good explanation of these ancient Greco-Christian terms, I highly recommend "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis. Of course, I also highly recommend everything else he wrote. :-))
"To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it". - Lewis in "The Four Loves"
There are two points others have raised about how to regard singleness that I would disagree with though, at least to some degree. While I can understand where some others are coming from who would argue this view, I'm not sure I would term "singleness" as a consequence of living in a fallen world. In a sense that could be true as the relationship we were meant to have with God is broken and we are cut off from that without the intervention of Jesus. Because of His death and Resurrection and our faith in Him, we can have a renewed relationship with God in the here and now and we will experience that fully as God originally intended at the Wedding Supper of The Lamb in Heaven, as described in Revelation 21-22. However, I would have to staunchly disagree with a notion that singleness is part of the curse of sin in the fall. I believe that would go against Christ's words in Matthew 19, where He says there are to whom being a eunuch is given and some make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. I can't see part of the curse of sin jibing with doing something for the kingdom of Heaven.
If I may, I wanted to offer my take on 1 Corinthians 7:7. When I read the verse in the larger context of the chapter, it reads to me that Paul is describing how some have the gift of marriage and some have the gift of singleness. If we acknowledge that God The Father makes some to be fit for marriage and some for singleness, then this would fit well with James 1:17 that tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from above, from The Father of lights, with Whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Even if we don't particularly desire to be single and don't really see it as much of a gift (like the aforementioned underwear at Christmas gift), we can appreciate it more as we get older sometimes [Both physically and spiritually in The Lord]. And we have to trust God with all of our lives and if that's where He has us for now, we can trust that He has a good plan in mind, even if we don't understand it. (Acts 17:26, Psalms 138 [especially verse 8]) We might also consider it like how some are gifted with different talents- whether it's drawing or singing (two of which I don't feel too gifted on- lol ;-) Not that it stops me from doing either one)- but both are good gifts regardless.
This all may sound like cold comfort, but I do believe God has a good plan in mind for everyone and He has a purpose for all of us- and that includes our marital status. For me, I've never really been super worried about the whole dating and marriage thing until well into my late 20s or so- and it was around then that I started seeing (seemingly) all my siblings and cousins and friends getting married and so it felt like I should be doing likewise soon enough. But I had to come to a point where I told God that if He wants me to get married- cool. If He doesn't want me to get married- cool. I'm good either way. I still would like to get married if God leads me to the right woman, but I'll be alright if it doesn't happen too. God uses all of His people for His glory and we can bring glory to Him through both our singleness and our marriage- whichever status He brings us to in His time. And I do think there are advantages and drawbacks to both, as the rest of 1 Corinthians 7 outlines. (And don't get me wrong, because marriage is indeed awesome! Plenty of Bible verses attest to that- Proverbs 18:22, Ephesians 5, Proverbs 5:18, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 19:14, Ecclesiastes 9:9, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and others.) But marriage is temporary (Mark 12:18-27) and it's not going to solve all your problems and make your life totally happy all the time. There is the idolatry of marriage there we do need to be careful of falling into as well.
In the end, we must accept whatever lot God has for us and learn to be content in all circumstances, as Philippians 4:10-20 counsels. (We can do [i.e. endure] all things through Christ who strengthens us. - as verse 13 famously says. Thus, let's do this!) And in all things, whether in word or deed, we must do it all for God's glory. (1 Corinthians 10:31) Of course, we can pray and ask God for a spouse and trust that He may choose to give us that heart's desire. (ala Psalms 37:1-4, as we continue to delight in Him first and trust whatever He gives us.) And whether it happens or not, as Jesus consoles us, for everyone who's left house, land, brothers, sisters, father, mother and even wife/husband and children- for His sake and for The Gospel's sake- (see Matthew 19 and Mark 10 in the KJV), they will receive a hundredfold now in this time-with persecutions- and in the age to come eternal life.
If you have the time, you may enjoy checking out this sermon from David Platt on this topic. It's very powerful and well worth the watch- He speaks a lot of great points on the topic of marriage and singleness (focusing on singleness, by the way). I found it very helpful and encouraging.
Whatever your marital status may be, I hope you will be encouraged to continue to seek God's glory above all in singleness or marriage and that God would grant you strength to endure the hardships that come with both and the peace to enjoy the benefits that come with both as well.
Good post, Nate. Yeah, I would agree that singleness didn't come because of the Fall. I know that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, so he needed a human companion. Coupled with the fact that humans needed to multiply, it was expedient for a woman to have been created next.
ReplyDeleteTrue on those points. Thanks, Kevin.
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