Confessions of a Forgiven Hypocrite

 Do you ever feel like such a huge hypocrite? You get hit with something out of nowhere- you know exactly where that road goes- and you get on it anyway and make it even worse- and before you know it, you're sinning up a storm over the weekend. And you know it's wrong because you blow off Bible reading and prayer for the day because you're definitely not in the right frame of mind for that. You're having way too much fun with sin right now- you can't face God right now. And it gets to the point where you feel like such a failure and jerk heading off to church.

   (Confession: This was a good portion of my weekend, except that this portion was anything but good. For a single guy striving to follow Christ but failing a number of times, while seeing victories at others, the battlefield of the mind and maintaining sexual purity there is such a struggle oftentimes. Even if it's not straight up pornography, there are a plethora of images readily available online that help satisfy curiosity for a time. The problem is the eyes never get their fill of seeing. - Ecclesiastes 1:8 

As James 1:12-18 tells us, sin always grows exponentially into more and more with a neverending appetite for destruction, even if it seems like Paradise City at the time.)

     When you feel like that, don't run away; run to God. Go to church anyway. You're not a hypocrite- you're a sinner admitting your need for Jesus The Saviour and Lord. And you'll find that you haven't messed up beyond the measure of grace after all. When you come in faith and repentance, you'll find The Lord is right there waiting for you with open arms, ready to forgive and absolve you of all sins once more. The Father is always watching for us. 1 John 1:9 is still true for Christ followers who have run off that narrow trail over to the hollow pursuits of the broad way and gotten sick on its short-lived pleasures. He puts us back on the path, clears the guilt from our consciences and restores to us the joy of our salvation in Christ once more and reminds us how much infinitely better Jesus is than sin!

      It's crazy how the worship music and the sermon was targeted right at me today at church and spoke to just what I needed. (Not so crazy- hat tip to The Holy Spirit for His work. :-)) The pastor quoted from "Love Lifted Me" and we sang "How Great Thou Art" at the end, both of which I could happily sing after confessing my sins to God, asking His forgiveness and help to not do it again. And we also sang this beautiful, new-to-me worship song I have linked below. The lyrics are amazingly powerful and just what I needed today, along with the sermon from Ephesians 4:17-24, reminding me to put off my old self that's corrupt through deceitful desires and to instead be renewed in the spirit of my mind and put on my new self, created after God's likeness in true righteousness and holiness. That's what He has called me to do and that's what I want to do all the time.

    I am sorry for the many times I fail God in so many ways. I confess that I am far too often a lazy, undisciplined, gluttonous, lustful, lascivious, prideful, jealous, wrathful, fearful, lying, cheating, thieving, covetous old sinner- and likely much more could be named if everyone saw the depths of my heart and soul like The Lord does. For those of my friends who see the man of God I want to be on here and in my life, please know that I have no place to be on any pedestal or to cast any stones. I struggle with the old man of sin constantly and while I know Jesus has won the war already, it still hurts to lose battles along the way. Yet I continue on in the fight knowing it's not I but Christ through me. There is no good in me of my own. Any good in me is Jesus. Pray that I might continue to fling aside the garments stained by the flesh and instead put on the garment of praise that is the new robe of righteousness God The Father gives His prodigals who repent with an amazing Grace and love that overwhelms me.

     May this encourage you to keep standing with God, even enduring mistreatment over the fleeting pleasures of sin, as Moses did. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. (See Hebrews 11:23-28) Let's also go to Christ outside the camp and gladly bear the reproach He endured as we look for the lasting City to come! (See Hebrews 13:10-16)  And when we fall and start to sink like Peter, let us immediately turn our eyes back unto Jesus and cry out to Him for salvation- He's always there to pull us back up and set us on the narrow path again because He loves us with an everlasting love! (Jeremiah 31:3) And He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west! Bless The Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- He forgives all our iniquities when we ask! He heals all our diseases and redeems our lives from the pit! Praise God for His love and forgiveness! If you don't know this kind of Love, put faith in His death and Resurrection that pays for all sins for all time and follow Him in faith and repentance to receive His Grace and salvation today! If you do know Him and His love, be encouraged today as we traverse the narrow road together, fellow brother and sister pilgrims. Be blessed, be a blessing and most of all- be God's. (Romans 14:8) :-)

https://youtu.be/zundjUFazfg

("Yet Not I But Through Christ In Me" by City Alight) 

The Itch and Ol' Scratch and the Healing Balm

"Save, O Lord, for the godly one is gone; for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man." (Psalms 12:1) "The Lord tests the righteous, but His soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. Let Him rain coals on the wicked; fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup. For The Lord is righteous; He loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold His face." (Psalms 11:5-7) I read these passages today in my daily time with God in His Word and prayer. Sometimes I can really feel the weight of that first verse I quoted there. The godly ones are gone- the faithful are vanished from among man. And it often feels like I'm part of that number. What happened to all those claims of following Christ and trying to live out His Word when you find yourself falling into and even reveling in some of the same sins you struggle with so many times over? And then you really feel like a hypocrite trying to share Christ with someone else who's a seeking skeptic- even though you've repented of those sins and asked for forgiveness. (As you may have figured out, this post is largely an autobiographical one of my day today.) This is not a post to call anyone else out on their sin. (Not that I necessarily try to call anyone specifically out on sin when I post in any case. I just try to speak what God's Word says- and that applies to all of us. We're all called out on sin by God's Word- there's no one righteous, no, not one.(see Romans 3:10-18) Particularly when I post things like this, I'm mainly preaching to myself. Like St. Augustine and Usher said, "These are my confessions." And like Michael Jackson said, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change." 'Cause it's me, it's me, it's me, oh Lord- standing in the need of prayer. It's not my brother, not my sister- but it's me, oh, Lord- standing in the need of prayer. It's not my mother, not my father- but it's me, oh Lord- standing in the need of prayer. This is a post to confess my sin before The Lord and before others. This is a post to say that when I get lonely by myself or just distracted or bored, my mind can run the gamut of despicable, wicked thoughts. I can find myself saying things I ought not to say or seeing things I ought not to see. And sometimes I have the audacity to push the Holy Spirit's urges aside and indulge in sinful behavior anyway. And I feel like saying with Peter, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord." (Luke 5:8) That point came home to me today when The Lord showed me something. The urge to sin eats away at us at times and though it's crouching at our doors, desiring to have us- we must master it. And we know what it will do when we give in- we know that it will be harmful. But the insatiable urge tugs at us and we give in once again and scratch the itch. But the itch feeds itself with the scratching. The more we scratch, temporary relief may come, but then we find the itching desire all the stronger. And eventually, we end up with blood oozing out. The scratching just leaves us bleeding and then maybe we finally wake up to the harm that we're doing to ourselves. And then we're frantically trying to blot the bleeding and get things back under control again. And vows are made not to do this to ourselves again. And maybe we really mean it this time. But then, not even a hour or more later, we find ourselves doing it again. And we repeat the process. And maybe somewhere during the day, we finally do stop the cycle when we get out and force ourselves to focus on something else. And God finds unique ways to bring Scripture to mind- to give us a run-in with someone- to make us focus back on Him again and remember the One who died a cruel, torturous death for us to pay for all those sins we found ourselves indulging in today. And then we finally get shaken up again and come back to reading in His Word again- praying with fervency- and trusting Him to help us keep our minds focused on Him and thinking on the things we ought, like Philippians 4:8 talks about. Of course, it's comforting to know that just as Jesus spoke kindly to Peter and told him to fear not because he was going to be a fisher of men from then on and be working for Jesus, He still speaks kindly to me and reminds me that I am still eternally loved even when I am busily grieving my Father's heart. (Jeremiah 31:3) In John 2:23-25, we find that Jesus doesn't need anyone to tell Him about man- He knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. And the Shadow of the Almighty keeps those who have put their trust in The Lord delivered from evil when we let Him. He is always faithful- even when we're not. (2 Timothy 2:11-13) We can't just go on sinning so that grace will abound though! We can't just go on sinning because we're under grace and not under law though! We must count ourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. We can't keep presenting ourselves to sin to be used for unrighteousness, but we must present ourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life! We can't be slaves of sin anymore- we're slaves of righteousness! Yet even though I know these things to be true, I still find myself doing what I don't want to do. I don't understand my own actions. I know the good I want to do and I desire to do it- but I don't have the ability to carry it out! Ultimately I delight in the law of God, but too many times I find myself delighting in sin! What a wretched man I am! Thank God for Jesus Christ our Lord who delivers me from this body of death! (Largely based on Romans 6-7 here. Check 6:1-14 particularly, but basically the whole chapter. And particularly 7:15-25, but the whole chapter is incredible.) "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by Whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!' The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him." (Romans 8:1-17) I could basically go on and quote the whole chapter- it's all so good! So we must learn to set our minds not on the flesh but instead on the Spirit! Lord Jesus, please help me to keep my mind set on You! SO many things distract me from the only One I should always be thinking about.Help me to live according to the Spirit and not according to the flesh. Thank You for Your adoption that allows me to cry out, "Abba! Father!" Save, O Lord! As a fellow heir with Christ, help me to be ready to suffer with You, Lord, so that I may also be glorified with You in due time. Thank You for Your sacrifice on the cross that makes it possible. Thank You for sympathizing with me in my weaknesses as One who has in every respect been tempted just as I am, yet You are without sin. You bore the full weight of fielding every lie and temptation of the devil for 33 years on Earth- constantly saying, "No" to the devil and self and a resounding, "Yes" to God. "Not My will, but Your will be done," You prayed. Father, please let it be- not my will, but Thine be done. Forgive me for half-hearted promises promptly broken and roaming eyes and a mind that set themselves so quickly onto sin. Forgive me for relinquishing and relishing the sin, even while knowing it sickens and disgusts You and breaks Your heart- so much so that it drove You to take the nails on the cross for me. Thank You that despite Your hatred for sin, You still have a love for me- a covetous old sinner, as Dickens described Scrooge, and You still desire to restore me and reuse me again for Your glory. You amaze me with Your steadfastness and resoluteness. Keep burning away the chaff and let my cries of agony at the pain remind me of the greater pain of not dealing with it. Thank You so much for Your promise to never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5) and to present me faultless before Your throne one day. (Jude 1:24-25) Please take away the itch and help me not to scratch it. But if not, help me to remember that Your grace is sufficient for me and that You are good and a taste of Your sweetness is better than any ill-gotten gravel rock candy I might gorge on otherwise. You alone truly fulfill all my soul's cravings. Keep me near You with my mind stayed upon Jehovah- and may my life be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. O may my little eyes, hands, feet and mind be careful what they do- for The Father above is looking down in love- and I want Him to be pleased with what He sees.

Words, Thoughts and Letters

"Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in His Name when they saw the signs that He was doing. But Jesus on His part did not entrust Himself to them, because He knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for He Himself knew what was in man." (John 2:23-25)
"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)
Jesus does.
"And the Spirit of The Lord fell upon me, and He said to me, 'Say, Thus says The Lord: 'So you think, O house of Israel. For I know the things that come into your mind.' ' " (Ezekiel 11:5)
Jesus knows our hearts and our minds and our souls- everything about us.
"Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." (Matthew 12:33-37)
Jesus knows every single word we've ever said or even thought of saying- the ones we've just whispered under our breath and the ones we've thought but haven't uttered out loud. He also knows every single word we've typed on any online posting and in every text message and letter we've written.
Don't think that any area of life is off-limits for God and that He doesn't know about it and won't deal with it. God deals with all sin and He counts it all as equally wrong.
(Matthew 5:17-19- Whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of Heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of Heaven.)
How then do we deal with the gravity of these realizations? How then should we live? Thankfully, the wrath of God upon all of our sins has been poured out on Jesus. Through our faith in His death and Resurrection, we know that we can have forgiveness and a new life in Christ- and the hope of eternity in Heaven with Him. But this faith must be one that drives us to repentance. (i.e. This goes beyond mere lip service to God-Jesus also has stern words about those who just call Him, "Lord, Lord" but don't actually do what He says. Check Matthew 7:12-27. Again- it's only faith in Jesus' grace that saves us, but real faith is defined and demonstrated by action. [see James 2.]
So if we have truly been crucified with Christ and have nailed our sins and worldly passions to His cross, then live by The Spirit and walk by The Spirit, so that we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by The Spirit, let us also keep in step with The Spirit. (see Galatians 5:16-26)
Father, forgive me for the times I have been lagging behind and out of step with The Spirit. Help mold me to be more like Your Son every day. Help me to keep my thoughts captive to You and use my tongue to pour out Your praises and not curse my brothers. Cleanse me with the hyssop branch and I will be clean. Thank You for Your longsuffering and grace that refuses to give up on me and continues to work with me, in me and on me all the time. Keep removing the chaff and dross until only the refined remains. May the light of Your glory and grace continue to open my eyes to the dimness of the things of this world in comparison to Your glorious brightness and sunshine. May You always be my treasure above all.

(Note:  I should acknowledge that, while I was recently thinking on some of these things anyway, this was also largely based on the sermon from church at Hampton First Baptist today.)