The Itch and Ol' Scratch and the Healing Balm

"Save, O Lord, for the godly one is gone; for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man." (Psalms 12:1) "The Lord tests the righteous, but His soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. Let Him rain coals on the wicked; fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup. For The Lord is righteous; He loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold His face." (Psalms 11:5-7) I read these passages today in my daily time with God in His Word and prayer. Sometimes I can really feel the weight of that first verse I quoted there. The godly ones are gone- the faithful are vanished from among man. And it often feels like I'm part of that number. What happened to all those claims of following Christ and trying to live out His Word when you find yourself falling into and even reveling in some of the same sins you struggle with so many times over? And then you really feel like a hypocrite trying to share Christ with someone else who's a seeking skeptic- even though you've repented of those sins and asked for forgiveness. (As you may have figured out, this post is largely an autobiographical one of my day today.) This is not a post to call anyone else out on their sin. (Not that I necessarily try to call anyone specifically out on sin when I post in any case. I just try to speak what God's Word says- and that applies to all of us. We're all called out on sin by God's Word- there's no one righteous, no, not one.(see Romans 3:10-18) Particularly when I post things like this, I'm mainly preaching to myself. Like St. Augustine and Usher said, "These are my confessions." And like Michael Jackson said, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change." 'Cause it's me, it's me, it's me, oh Lord- standing in the need of prayer. It's not my brother, not my sister- but it's me, oh, Lord- standing in the need of prayer. It's not my mother, not my father- but it's me, oh Lord- standing in the need of prayer. This is a post to confess my sin before The Lord and before others. This is a post to say that when I get lonely by myself or just distracted or bored, my mind can run the gamut of despicable, wicked thoughts. I can find myself saying things I ought not to say or seeing things I ought not to see. And sometimes I have the audacity to push the Holy Spirit's urges aside and indulge in sinful behavior anyway. And I feel like saying with Peter, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord." (Luke 5:8) That point came home to me today when The Lord showed me something. The urge to sin eats away at us at times and though it's crouching at our doors, desiring to have us- we must master it. And we know what it will do when we give in- we know that it will be harmful. But the insatiable urge tugs at us and we give in once again and scratch the itch. But the itch feeds itself with the scratching. The more we scratch, temporary relief may come, but then we find the itching desire all the stronger. And eventually, we end up with blood oozing out. The scratching just leaves us bleeding and then maybe we finally wake up to the harm that we're doing to ourselves. And then we're frantically trying to blot the bleeding and get things back under control again. And vows are made not to do this to ourselves again. And maybe we really mean it this time. But then, not even a hour or more later, we find ourselves doing it again. And we repeat the process. And maybe somewhere during the day, we finally do stop the cycle when we get out and force ourselves to focus on something else. And God finds unique ways to bring Scripture to mind- to give us a run-in with someone- to make us focus back on Him again and remember the One who died a cruel, torturous death for us to pay for all those sins we found ourselves indulging in today. And then we finally get shaken up again and come back to reading in His Word again- praying with fervency- and trusting Him to help us keep our minds focused on Him and thinking on the things we ought, like Philippians 4:8 talks about. Of course, it's comforting to know that just as Jesus spoke kindly to Peter and told him to fear not because he was going to be a fisher of men from then on and be working for Jesus, He still speaks kindly to me and reminds me that I am still eternally loved even when I am busily grieving my Father's heart. (Jeremiah 31:3) In John 2:23-25, we find that Jesus doesn't need anyone to tell Him about man- He knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. And the Shadow of the Almighty keeps those who have put their trust in The Lord delivered from evil when we let Him. He is always faithful- even when we're not. (2 Timothy 2:11-13) We can't just go on sinning so that grace will abound though! We can't just go on sinning because we're under grace and not under law though! We must count ourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. We can't keep presenting ourselves to sin to be used for unrighteousness, but we must present ourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life! We can't be slaves of sin anymore- we're slaves of righteousness! Yet even though I know these things to be true, I still find myself doing what I don't want to do. I don't understand my own actions. I know the good I want to do and I desire to do it- but I don't have the ability to carry it out! Ultimately I delight in the law of God, but too many times I find myself delighting in sin! What a wretched man I am! Thank God for Jesus Christ our Lord who delivers me from this body of death! (Largely based on Romans 6-7 here. Check 6:1-14 particularly, but basically the whole chapter. And particularly 7:15-25, but the whole chapter is incredible.) "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by Whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!' The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him." (Romans 8:1-17) I could basically go on and quote the whole chapter- it's all so good! So we must learn to set our minds not on the flesh but instead on the Spirit! Lord Jesus, please help me to keep my mind set on You! SO many things distract me from the only One I should always be thinking about.Help me to live according to the Spirit and not according to the flesh. Thank You for Your adoption that allows me to cry out, "Abba! Father!" Save, O Lord! As a fellow heir with Christ, help me to be ready to suffer with You, Lord, so that I may also be glorified with You in due time. Thank You for Your sacrifice on the cross that makes it possible. Thank You for sympathizing with me in my weaknesses as One who has in every respect been tempted just as I am, yet You are without sin. You bore the full weight of fielding every lie and temptation of the devil for 33 years on Earth- constantly saying, "No" to the devil and self and a resounding, "Yes" to God. "Not My will, but Your will be done," You prayed. Father, please let it be- not my will, but Thine be done. Forgive me for half-hearted promises promptly broken and roaming eyes and a mind that set themselves so quickly onto sin. Forgive me for relinquishing and relishing the sin, even while knowing it sickens and disgusts You and breaks Your heart- so much so that it drove You to take the nails on the cross for me. Thank You that despite Your hatred for sin, You still have a love for me- a covetous old sinner, as Dickens described Scrooge, and You still desire to restore me and reuse me again for Your glory. You amaze me with Your steadfastness and resoluteness. Keep burning away the chaff and let my cries of agony at the pain remind me of the greater pain of not dealing with it. Thank You so much for Your promise to never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5) and to present me faultless before Your throne one day. (Jude 1:24-25) Please take away the itch and help me not to scratch it. But if not, help me to remember that Your grace is sufficient for me and that You are good and a taste of Your sweetness is better than any ill-gotten gravel rock candy I might gorge on otherwise. You alone truly fulfill all my soul's cravings. Keep me near You with my mind stayed upon Jehovah- and may my life be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. O may my little eyes, hands, feet and mind be careful what they do- for The Father above is looking down in love- and I want Him to be pleased with what He sees.