Missed Moments (poem)

This is a sometimes annual thing of reflection I do around my birthday. It's basically a bit of reminiscing and some lamenting about choices made and consequences that come with them. I have said before that sometimes I regret not being as open to some friendships at younger ages or willing to further pursue possible romantic relationships- but in the end, I have to trust that God allowed things to happen as they did for a reason and He's still worked out His good plan for me moment by moment. This is also a "what if?" musing about spiritual choices, eternity, sin and righteousness.


"Missed Moments"
(Poem copyright by Nathan Ludwick 5/4/2020)
(Philippians 2:14-16, Hebrews 3:7-14, 2 Corinthians 6:2, Philippians 3:7-20, Ecclesiastes 9:11-12, Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 25:11, Proverbs 27:1, Romans 9, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Ecclesiastes 7:10-14, Romans 8:28, 1 Corinthians 3, James 3, Psalms 90 (Especially v. 12), Ecclesiastes 12:11-14)

A word aptly spoken makes golden moments
How quickly a word ineptly spoken turns them to dross
How many scenes of life could have been so different
If only a different door had been chosen?
The road not taken makes all the difference in the world
Memories meander through time and linger longer than we'd ever expect
Except the good ones seem far too fleeting and the bad ones far too abundant
Why did I say that stupid thing then instead of something else?
Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?
Words have a deadly power of permanence no matter how much
we might want to retract
The scorpion's sting still burns like fire every time the scab's reopened
Why did I do that back then? Why was I so dumb?
Apologies can be made but consequences must always be faced
What if I could slide down Alice's rabbit hole to another world?
What kind of person would I be if I had studied another subject?
What if I had taken up another career instead?
What if I had been more outgoing and taken more chances on friends?
What if I had kissed that girl and she had become my wife?
So many things replay in my mind that a time machine might fix
But lightning never strikes twice and thunder continues to roil in my soul
Sometimes the pain and sadness are so intense when sitting in quiet loneliness
Regrets haunt dreams and reveries with a parasite's tenacity
There's a desperation in lament that yearns to put right what once went wrong
The sins of commission resound like a gong in time with the sins of omission
Why didn't I take action when I knew what to do then?
Why didn't I speak up and say what needed to be said?
Time relentlessly passes and the moments are lost
Are they gone beyond all hope of recovery?
When the corner is turned and opportunities missed
They never come in exactly the same way again
And when eternal choices are made things are bound that can never be unbound.
Though tears flow like Esau's, the blessing is lost and
The time of God's favour comes to an end.
The past is gone and can't be changed but it can pass on its lessons.
The future still looms with possibilities of whatever we make it.
May The Spirit teach me His lessons in the present
so I can live in the light of each tense like Scrooge on Christmas morning.
The joy only found in Christ somehow sifts through
The wreckage of my life to find a rainbow in the silver lining.
The pangs of past pains hurt my heart but also mold it
to be shaped more like the Saviour's heart.
As He still works to work all these things together for good
according to His master plan,
may He use the missed moments to make my life
both now and in the future what He wants it to be.
His cross and empty tomb redeemed my life-
May He use all that I am in the time that is left
to share His truth and love with all around me.
With past faults behind me, the bad memories make me all the more
thankful for the good memories and they all spur me to
live every day for The One who loves me
and make choices of righteousness to redeem the time so
that His light shines- because Jesus makes the only golden moments in my life.
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