Feeling the Slough of Despond? - Faith is the Victory!

I know I have expressed this notion on separate posts, but it's been heart check time again lately. I'm just going to give a full disclosure on some things here. I have been reading "The Pilgrim's Progress" by John Bunyan as part of an online book reading club. I was on vacation for a while and had a lot of time to read at points and so I read through the whole book already a week or two back. I actually also read the second part as well (which details what happens to Christian's family.) This point I'm going to make again hit me recently and so I wanted to note something that hit me from both books and something that encouraged me a lot. "The Pilgrim's Progress" is a journey with Christ and we go through many trials and temptations along the way. And no matter what our feelings may say at times, God is ALWAYS faithful! This is a journey He has wrought and He will get us safely to the end and usher us into His presence for eternity through our faith because we're saved by His grace and His grace alone! His saving work leads us to do the good works He made for us to do all along- and those fruit of the Spirit manifesting in us are evidence of the salvific work He has already done! (Ephesians 2:8-10 and Philippians 2:12-13 say this really well.) There is a character in the second part who feels like he may well be my patron saint at times. (Though I've already claimed Gonzo of The Muppets as my patron saint of weirdos. ;-)) Mr. Fearing is a pilgrim who trembles along the way, struggling with doubts and fears- who ENDURES and is brought all the way to Heaven and released from those fears by The Lord. (Sorry for the spoiler.) ("Endure" is one of my favourite most repeated words in Revelation. Of course, we do this through the Holy Spirit's power- not our own.) I say this as one who first called upon Jesus to save me as a child of about 5 or 7. In growing in my faith in Christ, I have prayed numerous prayers of reaffirmation even after baptism. I have felt like Mr. Fearing as one who has struggled with doubts and fears about the judgment and terrible events of the end times- and about security of salvation itself. Even tonight I wrestled with this again and reread through 1 John yet again and again put my weight and trust fully upon the truth of God's Word, who doesn't lie. I am thankful that I don't struggle with this nearly as much as I did in previous years but it still plagues me at times. I have found a few things that have helped me with this. The truth of God's Word and a right understanding of salvation and the work of Christ- these have been instrumental. I can't lose something I didn't earn and didn't buy- it was given to me and all who will believe as a free gift. God gave it and He will sustain it. My faith is built solely on Christ and His righteousness because I have none of my own. My faith is based on facts- not feelings. Feelings are fickle and lie. I have worried about that before- I didn't have the right "feelings" and experience others said they had when they got saved- thus, I must have done something wrong. Was I really repentant and sorry enough for my sins? Am I just trying to do good works to be saved instead of relying on Jesus' righteousness alone? I read passages like Matthew 7 and Matthew 25 and I know I don't want to be a goat who didn't really love God and people. I don't want to be the one Jesus tells, "Depart from Me- I never knew you!" Believe me- I've carried out 2 Corinthians 13:5's test a number of times. And it in the end drives me back to my knees before Jesus, acknowledging Him alone as Lord and Saviour, confessing any sin to Him and again putting my trust back in Him. And God is gracious and loving and He has given me reassurances many times and I know I've seen Him working in me and changing my heart. The times when I slip back into old sins that I don't want to do- and get callous about it and do it for the pleasure of it even though I know it's wrong- those times can become scary and make me think I must not really be saved when I do those things. Again- the truth is that 1 John 1:9 is in The Bible for a reason. God still forgives me when I repent and come back to Him. He holds me eternally and will never let go! (John 6:35-40) And I fully believe Jesus is exactly who He said He is and that His Word is 100 percent true. As I've said before, I've doubted myself more than I've ever doubted God. The most profound truth in The Bible is still the simplest and sometimes the hardest to believe- "Jesus loves me- this I know for The Bible tells me so." I am thankful for Jesus' love for ragamuffins like me who know that we are all only beggars at the door of God's mercy. And God loves all of us just as we are, not as we should be- because none of us are as we should be. And I praise Him that He's still working to make me the man He wants me to be.

(Shout out in Heaven to Brennan Manning for most of the thoughts in the above paragraph.)
  I don't know if anyone else relates to this but I hope it's helpful for someone. It's cathartic for me to write stuff out, so I hope you all don't mind me gushing on and on here. Some other things that help me a lot are reading good books and listening to good music.
For anyone else that may struggle with legalism and learning to accept and rest in Grace, I have some book recommendations that I have read and cried over many times. I'm a huge fan of C.S. Lewis and so I would include all his books- particularly "Mere Christianity", "The Weight of Glory" and "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "The Screwtape Letters" and "The Great Divorce" and "The Problem of Pain" and "A Grief Observed" and "Miracles".    But the book that has helped me A TON is "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning! (The paragraph where I mention ragamuffins two paragraphs back is largely taken from his writings.)
I also LOVE Philip Yancey! "Disappointment with God", "What's So Amazing About Grace?", "Vanishing Grace" and "The Jesus I Never Knew" have all been incredible!
Two articles I found helpful just today-
(https://unlockingthebible.org/.../seven-truths-to-fight.../)
and
(https://jdgreear.com/blog/2-ways-to-know-you-are-saved/)
I'll post a few beloved songs below. -I'm a HUGE fan of Chris Rice and he has written a couple of songs about doubts and faith that I have found immensely helpful! In the end, either God is true or a liar. I believe He is true and He will do what He said He will do and thus I simply trust Him with everything. This one is called "Big Enough" and has long been a favourite for me, mainly because he dares to ask some questions- but also admits that he is not big enough- but God is big enough.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw1s1JbM0Bk

"Live by Faith" by Chris Rice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUgUUoqKAz4

"Sam's Song" by Chris Rice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_O7xXyD1Iw  "Smell the Color 9" by Chris Rice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNUmoSHavLc "One of Those Days" by Chris Rice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5V30p-sPww Rich Mullins is still one of my all-time favourite artists and so I definitely have to include at least one of his classics that I LOVE-

"If I Stand"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jj0ZTzgmGM And since July 28 is the anniversary of Keith Green's death and subsequent passage into Heaven, it seems only fitting to post one of my favourite songs from him-

"Grace By Which I Stand"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF2xD2bNkts And a few from another recent favourite for me- Andrew Peterson! (Who is a huge Rich Mullins fan himself!)

This song deals more with grief and sorrow along the way but it's an incredible encouragement too.

"The Silence of God"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvytewIxll0  And this one speaks directly to the issue- "Just As I Am" by Andrew Peterson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csaxuRPitS0 And I could post tons others but I'll just stop with one more from AP- the worship song I've been singing SO much for the last year and a half or so since it first released-

"Is He Worthy?" (HE IS! :-))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIahc83Kvp4

A Prayer of a Ragamuffin

        "We seem to have concluded that God chooses to only use spiritual giants, the highly gifted, multi-talented, faith-filled people of this world, and not spiritual pygmies like me and perhaps you. But frankly, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, God has a well documented history of working through the broken vessels of this world, the 'scalawags and ragamuffins'. For just one example, even after committing adultery, which led to murder, David was called by no less than God 'a man after His own heart.' "- From "The Art of Helping Others" by Douglas C. Mann

:-)       I'm so glad that God loves to use ordinary people to do extraordinary things. This way, it's easier to not get confused and think that the extraordinariness was anything from the person; rather, it's all from Jesus. I know I am just a ragamuffin in desperate constant need of "the reckless raging fury that they call the love of God" (as Rich Mullins put it). And I know that Jesus makes beautiful things out of the dust of me. As I have heeded Your call to "come and know Me better, man" (like James 4:8 might read in the Dickens translation ;-)), thank You for knowing and loving me, even though You know all about me and how much of a stingy, rotten, foul, greedy (and badly dressed ;-) Scrooge I am on my own. Thank You that just as Scrooge was changed by his supernatural encounter with ghosts, You have changed and are changing me by my supernatural encounter with The Holy Ghost. Thank You for salvation. Savior please, keep saving me. I have been saved, I am being saved and I will be saved- not by anything that I am or anything I've done- only by Your grace and favor. Help me to trust You more and stand firm in faith, not shaken by insecurities, worries and doubts from my many failings. Cleanse me from sin, wash me clean and keep me walking as before when I first made my good profession of faith in You- it's You who enabled that and led me to that and You who have maintained and continue to maintain everything- thank You for choosing to use ragamuffins like me. Hold me, Jesus and use me to encourage others to You too. Move in me because I'm nothing without You- there's no way I can make it without You or do anything without You. And whether I ever feel anything or not- whether I ever see a burning bush not consumed or a wheel turning within a wheel- like You said in John 20:29- blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. I trust You whether I see or feel any further confirmation or not- I trust You are there and working- Help me to be found faithful. Thank You for loving and using vain and weak things like me to confound the wise of the world. (1 Corinthians 1). Help me to walk confidently in the dark with Your light as my candle on a stand, glowing for me and all others so we can all glorify our Father in Heaven.
          John 15:5- Amen. I am nothing without You, Jesus. Galatians 2:20- I am crucified with You, Christ- I no longer live but You live in me. Colossians 3:1-4 - Help me to keep my mind on Heavenly things and not just earthly things, Lord. I have died and You are my life now. Live in me as You please. I need You to live and move in me because I have flunked this thing called Life so many times- it's the same result any time I do anything on my own strength. It's all on You, Lord- and I know You got this. And I know You've got me because You are faithful and I have trusted and still trust You to be there for me and hold me now. Thank You, Savior and Friend. Help me to show my thanks by my life.
        Galatians 5:1-12- It is for freedom Christ has set you free- stand firm and don't be burdened again by slavery. - also John 8:32-36 - If The Son has set you free, you're free indeed. Ephesians 6:1-20- walk confidently with the full armor of God on fast- belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, feet prepared with the readiness that comes from The Gospel of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, Sword of The Spirit (i.e. Word of God) and pray and supplication at all times. Be bold and make known the mystery of The Gospel. (It's crazy but God loves us like crazy and did something crazy to prove it- Romans 5:8- Jesus' death and Resurrection forever declare the eternal love of God for all people.) Philippians 1:27-30 -whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of The Gospel of Christ. Don't be afraid- keep standing firm and contending for the faith of The Gospel. It's a sign to the opposition that they'll be destroyed but that we will be saved- and that by God!!! It's ALL by God- yet He still works in us too. It's been granted to us by Christ to not only believe on Him but to suffer for Him too. (Philippians 2:1-13) Be like Jesus in your attitude- humble and like a servant. Every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God The Father and every knee will bow to Him. Work out your salvation with fear and trembling- but remember that it's God who's working in us to will and act according to His good purpose. Philippians 3:1- Finally, my brothers, rejoice in The Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you. (Boy, do I need that safeguard over and over and over again.) Colossians 1:17- He (Jesus) is before all things and in Him all things hold together. (He created it all and holds it all together!!!) Thank You, Lord Jesus Christ. Keep reminding me of Your truth and Your love over and over and over again- it's always new and incredible and refreshing- let it flow out of me to be a fragrant aroma to others that draws them to You.

A Fool for Christ

            Most everyone who has made positive advancements in the world were called fools at some point- Galileo, Edison, Einstein, etc. And this makes sense- people often make fun of and mock what they don't understand. And of course, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I can identify with that. I am a fool, of course. I'm foolish enough to believe in a number of scientific and medical impossibilities simply because I believe in the God big enough to both set down the rules that govern our universe and our lives and exist outside of them Himself and thus perform miracles that we can only stand in awe of when we read about them in The Bible. I'm foolish enough to believe that God loved the world so much that He became one of us, being born at Christmas and growing up to die on the cross and rise again from the dead at Easter.
          And people thought Jesus was a fool too. But Jesus' willingness to identify with us and pay for our sins gave us access back to God. We can have salvation if we trust in Him with faith and trust and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. But it takes a touch of folly to do that.
As Brennan Manning wrote, "The disciple of Jesus will be made to look and feel like a fool. Yet, fools for Christ formed the early church. And as that tiny band of believers grew, the world witnessed the power in such foolishness."
"I wish you would bear with me in a little foolishness. Do bear with me!" (2 Corinthians 11:1) (In fact, keep reading verses 16-33 while you're at it, if you want to see Paul's list of accomplishments that he casts aside as foolish because the only thing he can boast in is Jesus Christ.) But God uses the weak and foolish things of the world to confound and put to shame the strong and wise of the world. (See 1 Corinthians 1)
         Heed the cry of wisdom in the Proverbs. (See chapters 1-9 particularly.) Wisdom comes disguised as foolishness. If anyone thinks himself wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. (1 Corinthians 3:18-23)
As Rich Mullins sang, "Let Mercy lead- let Love be the strength in your legs- and in every footprint that you leave there'll be a drop of Grace. If we can reach beyond the wisdom of this age into the foolishness of God- well, that foolishness will save those who believe. Although their foolish hearts may break, they will find peace. And I'll meet you in that place where Mercy leads." ("Let Mercy Lead" by Rich Mullins)
         Of course, I know the natural man doesn't understand the spiritually discerned things, as 1 Corinthians 2:14 attests- for they are folly to him. How ironic that what seems like folly to the world at large is the very thing we must embrace in order to be saved- we must be willing to embrace folly in order to gain true wisdom. "For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." (1 Corinthians 1:18) Christ is indeed a stumbling block to the Jews and folly to the Greeks- but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks [i.e. Gentiles], Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. (see 1 Corinthians 1:21-25. Actually just read the whole chapter.)
          In the end, God's foolishness is still wiser than man's wisdom. What silly creatures we are! How stupid to think that we the created being should somehow know more and know better than the One who created us! We've just got a breath in our nostrils- that God gave to us- quit putting your trust in fallible human beings. (Isaiah 2:22) Put your trust in God, the Giver of all wisdom. (James 1:5) Look how foolish He was willing to be Himself- He was born as a human baby at Christmas, lived under the rule of Mary and Joseph and grew up for 33 years on Earth- experiencing all the joys, pains, sorrows, trials and temptations that come with living on a planet of sinful human beings. And Him the only righteous One in the whole bunch- He who was both God and man at once. And He submitted Himself to a corruption of justice and gave Himself over to the power of Pilate- and thus, the innocent died in the traitor's stead. And He rose victorious and regained His rightful position as fully God, reigning on high forever!
         "When we in our foolishness thought we were wise- He played the fool and He opened our eyes. When we in our weakness believed we were strong, He became helpless to show we were wrong. So we follow God's own fool- for only the foolish can tell. Believe the unbelievable and come be a fool as well." ("God's Own Fool" by Michael Card)
With the foolish abandon of a man who bets all he has to his name on what he thinks is a sure thing, may we also likewise put all our trust and all we have on the One who we know is a sure thing.
           "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)
That's what a fool believes, but it do be The Truth, brothers and sisters.