Feeling the Slough of Despond? - Faith is the Victory!

I know I have expressed this notion on separate posts, but it's been heart check time again lately. I'm just going to give a full disclosure on some things here. I have been reading "The Pilgrim's Progress" by John Bunyan as part of an online book reading club. I was on vacation for a while and had a lot of time to read at points and so I read through the whole book already a week or two back. I actually also read the second part as well (which details what happens to Christian's family.) This point I'm going to make again hit me recently and so I wanted to note something that hit me from both books and something that encouraged me a lot. "The Pilgrim's Progress" is a journey with Christ and we go through many trials and temptations along the way. And no matter what our feelings may say at times, God is ALWAYS faithful! This is a journey He has wrought and He will get us safely to the end and usher us into His presence for eternity through our faith because we're saved by His grace and His grace alone! His saving work leads us to do the good works He made for us to do all along- and those fruit of the Spirit manifesting in us are evidence of the salvific work He has already done! (Ephesians 2:8-10 and Philippians 2:12-13 say this really well.) There is a character in the second part who feels like he may well be my patron saint at times. (Though I've already claimed Gonzo of The Muppets as my patron saint of weirdos. ;-)) Mr. Fearing is a pilgrim who trembles along the way, struggling with doubts and fears- who ENDURES and is brought all the way to Heaven and released from those fears by The Lord. (Sorry for the spoiler.) ("Endure" is one of my favourite most repeated words in Revelation. Of course, we do this through the Holy Spirit's power- not our own.) I say this as one who first called upon Jesus to save me as a child of about 5 or 7. In growing in my faith in Christ, I have prayed numerous prayers of reaffirmation even after baptism. I have felt like Mr. Fearing as one who has struggled with doubts and fears about the judgment and terrible events of the end times- and about security of salvation itself. Even tonight I wrestled with this again and reread through 1 John yet again and again put my weight and trust fully upon the truth of God's Word, who doesn't lie. I am thankful that I don't struggle with this nearly as much as I did in previous years but it still plagues me at times. I have found a few things that have helped me with this. The truth of God's Word and a right understanding of salvation and the work of Christ- these have been instrumental. I can't lose something I didn't earn and didn't buy- it was given to me and all who will believe as a free gift. God gave it and He will sustain it. My faith is built solely on Christ and His righteousness because I have none of my own. My faith is based on facts- not feelings. Feelings are fickle and lie. I have worried about that before- I didn't have the right "feelings" and experience others said they had when they got saved- thus, I must have done something wrong. Was I really repentant and sorry enough for my sins? Am I just trying to do good works to be saved instead of relying on Jesus' righteousness alone? I read passages like Matthew 7 and Matthew 25 and I know I don't want to be a goat who didn't really love God and people. I don't want to be the one Jesus tells, "Depart from Me- I never knew you!" Believe me- I've carried out 2 Corinthians 13:5's test a number of times. And it in the end drives me back to my knees before Jesus, acknowledging Him alone as Lord and Saviour, confessing any sin to Him and again putting my trust back in Him. And God is gracious and loving and He has given me reassurances many times and I know I've seen Him working in me and changing my heart. The times when I slip back into old sins that I don't want to do- and get callous about it and do it for the pleasure of it even though I know it's wrong- those times can become scary and make me think I must not really be saved when I do those things. Again- the truth is that 1 John 1:9 is in The Bible for a reason. God still forgives me when I repent and come back to Him. He holds me eternally and will never let go! (John 6:35-40) And I fully believe Jesus is exactly who He said He is and that His Word is 100 percent true. As I've said before, I've doubted myself more than I've ever doubted God. The most profound truth in The Bible is still the simplest and sometimes the hardest to believe- "Jesus loves me- this I know for The Bible tells me so." I am thankful for Jesus' love for ragamuffins like me who know that we are all only beggars at the door of God's mercy. And God loves all of us just as we are, not as we should be- because none of us are as we should be. And I praise Him that He's still working to make me the man He wants me to be.

(Shout out in Heaven to Brennan Manning for most of the thoughts in the above paragraph.)
  I don't know if anyone else relates to this but I hope it's helpful for someone. It's cathartic for me to write stuff out, so I hope you all don't mind me gushing on and on here. Some other things that help me a lot are reading good books and listening to good music.
For anyone else that may struggle with legalism and learning to accept and rest in Grace, I have some book recommendations that I have read and cried over many times. I'm a huge fan of C.S. Lewis and so I would include all his books- particularly "Mere Christianity", "The Weight of Glory" and "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "The Screwtape Letters" and "The Great Divorce" and "The Problem of Pain" and "A Grief Observed" and "Miracles".    But the book that has helped me A TON is "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning! (The paragraph where I mention ragamuffins two paragraphs back is largely taken from his writings.)
I also LOVE Philip Yancey! "Disappointment with God", "What's So Amazing About Grace?", "Vanishing Grace" and "The Jesus I Never Knew" have all been incredible!
Two articles I found helpful just today-
(https://unlockingthebible.org/.../seven-truths-to-fight.../)
and
(https://jdgreear.com/blog/2-ways-to-know-you-are-saved/)
I'll post a few beloved songs below. -I'm a HUGE fan of Chris Rice and he has written a couple of songs about doubts and faith that I have found immensely helpful! In the end, either God is true or a liar. I believe He is true and He will do what He said He will do and thus I simply trust Him with everything. This one is called "Big Enough" and has long been a favourite for me, mainly because he dares to ask some questions- but also admits that he is not big enough- but God is big enough.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw1s1JbM0Bk

"Live by Faith" by Chris Rice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUgUUoqKAz4

"Sam's Song" by Chris Rice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_O7xXyD1Iw  "Smell the Color 9" by Chris Rice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNUmoSHavLc "One of Those Days" by Chris Rice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5V30p-sPww Rich Mullins is still one of my all-time favourite artists and so I definitely have to include at least one of his classics that I LOVE-

"If I Stand"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jj0ZTzgmGM And since July 28 is the anniversary of Keith Green's death and subsequent passage into Heaven, it seems only fitting to post one of my favourite songs from him-

"Grace By Which I Stand"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF2xD2bNkts And a few from another recent favourite for me- Andrew Peterson! (Who is a huge Rich Mullins fan himself!)

This song deals more with grief and sorrow along the way but it's an incredible encouragement too.

"The Silence of God"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvytewIxll0  And this one speaks directly to the issue- "Just As I Am" by Andrew Peterson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csaxuRPitS0 And I could post tons others but I'll just stop with one more from AP- the worship song I've been singing SO much for the last year and a half or so since it first released-

"Is He Worthy?" (HE IS! :-))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIahc83Kvp4